Do something, or stop talking.

The Anti-Trafficking Movement. What is it, exactly?

Isn't it about awareness? Something about a red X? Some problem third world countries face? Buy a t-shirt, save a girls life in some small tribe in Africa? Didn't Passion do a thing on slavery, or something...?

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. 

If you Google searched "Anti Trafficking Organizations" I'm sure you'd find Polaris Project, International Justice Mission, End Slavery Now, THE End it Movement, etc etc... there are literally thousands of organizations that claim to fight to end modern day slavery. Some truly do great work, but a good amount of the ones I've looked into are about funding their own organization, not the rescue of young girls. They want to be advertised, rather than desiring to be effective. They want to be seen, rather than have their work create ripples that echo into every corner of our nation and world. 

So, why haven't you REALLY heard about it? Why don't you know the facts? 

Because, we, the young, ambitious and self-important college-aged young adults are part of the problem, rather than part of the solution. Let me repeat that, we are part of the problem. 

We don't really want to get our hands dirty with the anti-trafficking movement, we just want a t-shirt. 

We don't want to sell out completely for the cause of justice and freedom, we want to draw red X's on our hands. 

We don't want to let God take over our lives as we seek justice in His name, we want a cool facebook picture with our anti-trafficking student organizations. 

We don't want to work for freedom, but we'll want the credit when all is said and done. 

We are a part of the problem because we are AWARE, but not really educated. 

We are sort of informed, but sort of inactive. 

WE KNOW that slavery exists in its ugliest of forms, but we sit back waiting for someone else to step in because we've let society convince us that we don't really need to DO anything.
We are a CHURCH full of believers, who know the love and compassion of our Savior, but we don't see past our own pews. We don't go too far outside our own sanctuaries. We don't love like He loves. We don't eat with prostitutes, we wouldn't be caught dead in a bar or the "wrong" part of town. We are more concerned with how we look than WHO we represent. We sit in our Sunday service and sing our hymns, we talk about Jesus as our faithful provider, and we pray for our lives to be easier or better. There is SO MUCH MORE than our little world that needs prayer. There are people living in emotional chains that need to hear the name of JESUS. It's likely they aren't going to come waltzing into our Churches, so it's about time we take our ministry elsewhere... To where our sisters in bondage are. To where our broken brothers who sell them are. To where we can remember that WE are ALL broken. We are ALL sinners. We are ALL unworthy. 

Satan loves it. He loves that we are young, capable, informed, silent, inactive, and complacent. He will tell us the most enticing lies and convince us to be quiet. To stay in our little comfort zone, because it just takes too much work to really get involved.

It's okay if we sit back and do nothing. 

Trafficking doesn't "really" happen "here". 

Slavery ended with the Emancipation Proclamation. 

There are enough organizations to take care of this, they don't need me to help. 

ALL lies. There are 27 million people in slavery today. NOW is the time to get on your knees and pray constantly for justice to be present on this earth. It's not about how sad or brokenhearted we are for these women, though there is value in having a heart that seeks to end oppression. It's not about you and I. It's about our sisters in captivity. It's about the broken girls being sold in our hometowns. It's about the broken men who satan has convinced that it's okay to sell them. The anti-trafficking movement is not about the people in it; it's about the people needing rescue. 

1. See how God wants you to be involved in this. Pray for the staff of these organizations, the girls being sold, the girls who have been rescued, and the pimps that sell them. Pray for God to use our generation to be the LAST generation to tolerate slavery within our borders. 

2. Do research and learn the facts of what's going on where YOU are. There is a HUGE difference between awareness and education. Awareness is just a fad that will come to an end; education implies time spent seeking the truth behind this social injustice. Become truly educated about the cause and all involved. 

3. GET plugged in. Find an organization in your area. Get your home Church informed. Donate to an organization that you KNOW will send the money to the rescue of girls locally.

Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

Don't get caught up in the "trend" of the anti-trafficking cause. Do something, or stop talking. 

Jehovah Jireh

I've been wanting to write this blog since day one. This is the blog where I get to tell you that I am FULLY FUNDED!

GOD. IS. SO. FREAKIN'. AWESOME.

When I needed $500 to put a downpayment on the trip, He provided.
When I wasn't "on schedule" when I needed to be 50% funded, He taught me patience.
When I needed nearly $1800 in two weeks, He provided in a huge way.
When He promised to bring in the last of the $9,300, I sat in awe.

The entire time I went back and forth between assurance of His promises and worry that the amount was too big. NOTHING is too big for our God. Even when I worried; He was moving. While I was counting pennies, He was moving in the hearts of people who gave, generously. People who have given five bucks of their gas money, or 500 of their bonuses from work...every cent is received with a grateful heart.

When I put my faith in Him and Him alone, He showed me how incredible He truly is. I have seen His faithfulness and power and might and love in ways that I never thought I would.

THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to those of you who have prayed me through this and spent time encouraging me. You have been a part of showing me God's faithfulness and teaching me patience in HUGE ways.

I AM SO EXCITED! If THIS is how much God moves in fundraising, I can't wait to see what He does in Africa. It's nothing me or my team can do that will bring healing, help, or joy to the people we are going to serve and learn from. It's GOD moving through us and being gracious enough to use us, even though we are all unworthy of the opportunity.

I leave in 34 days, LEGGO!

"Let us hold unswervingly to this hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful"
Hebrews 10:23

makeup, missions, and an apology.

Hey ladies (and guys, if any of you are reading this too)

I'd like to offer somewhat of an apology about my current fundraiser. I know I've been pushing the "Makeup for Missions" event pretty consistently, but I wanted to make sure that all of you knew a few things that are on my heart...

You don't need the makeup.
You don't need a ton of fancy beauty products.
I believe with my whole heart that you are called to more than makeup, hair, and your appearance.

After going over my packing list, and remembering the days when God told me to quit being so dang conceited (I did a makeup fast last year, I needed to check myself and get back into the Word), I realized that for a solid week, I've been pushing for girls to buy makeup. Wait....wait....what?

Given all of my words about being called to higher things than planning weddings on Pinterest, being more than just what you look like, and not finding your identity in the guy you're dating, etc, I feel almost embarrassed at how quickly I was willing to sell you on beauty products just to fund my trip to Africa. Please, please, please know that I am convinced you are a beautiful woman and if I haven't told you that personally, well...it's true. I'd hate to have any kind of attention regarding my trip to be wasted on vanity and beauty products, when it can (and should) be bringing glory to God and what He's done.

He's brought in nearly $7,000 of funding towards my trip. He's saved my life (literally) more than once. He's changed my heart, renewed my thinking, and called me to Africa to serve Him. He's done incredible things in the lives of so many people... the last thing on my mind when thinking about my trip is makeup. I pray the same is true for you. I'd MUCH rather the focus be Jehovah Jireh, my team's preparation, and His faithfulness to WRECK SHOP in all of our lives! Forget the lipstick, God is busy working miracles all over the WORLD.

If you feel like you should support me by using the MaryKay fundraiser, then go for it! But please know that my heart behind this was to use it as an opportunity to make my fundraising useful (so that people could give money, and get something tangible in return). I have NO desire to make the focus of my fundraising about what we look like on the outside. My hope and prayer is that God will show you time and time again, undoubtedly, that you are so incredibly beautiful. If you are having any doubts or insecurities about the way you look, take 'em to Jesus. I am for real, girls. Run to Him in your imperfection, let Him remind you that HE DIED on a Cross for your imperfect body. God sent His son to die for your heart, not your thighs or your cheekbones. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you bet that He wants you to do SO MUCH MORE with your life than worry about your stomach or arms or the number on the scale. If you are needing some encouragement about this, make sure you seek out the prayer and counsel of other women. This is not the time or place to call your boyfriend, best guy friend, or other brother in Christ.

We all have times where we wish we could change things about our appearance. Let God remind you that He made you, specifically to be you, and to be loved just the way you are. (quick side note: if you are surrounded by people (or dating someone) who are (is) NOT convinced of that, you can come talk to me. We'll have a little chat about how fast you need to get out and/or get better friends).

You. Are. Priceless. And you don't need makeup or a perfect body to have value. You are loved, by God, and by me. So please feel free to not buy any makeup from my fundraiser. I'd rather you keep your money and confidence of God's beauty in you, than profit off of any insecurity or need for worldly affirmation.

$2,400. 16 days. To God be the glory.

"Other People"

Hey All,

Bear with me. Today, I'm admittedly frustrated. What started off with thinking about MYself and MY fundraising (as if there aren't more important things in the world to think about/to pray for), turned into a blog post about the Church. Funny how that seems to happen.

When praying for the Lord's faithfulness to be demonstrated and proven through my fundraising, which is something He's convicted me to pray for since day one, it dawned on me for the hundredth time. Of course it's supposed to be hard. Of course it's supposed to be frustrating. If it were easy, where would my faith grow? If it all came in from family and from big-wig donors, how would God's faithfulness be shown to non-believers and doubters? So, alright. I get it. Fundraising=difficult/challenging/God is building me up. I am fairly certain I have that one down...again.

But, why don't people give? Out of 900 "friends" on Facebook, easily less than 60 have given. Now, please, don't misunderstand me. I am incredibly thankful for all who have given, supported, and prayed. Some have prayed endlessly and are always asking how they can be in prayer for my team (THAT support freakin' rocks so please don't stop asking!) Some have given $5 of their last paychecks to support me (I'm forever humbled by those gifts), some have given their tithes to me in faith, and some have donated big chunks that I never saw coming. If I sit and look at the names, cards, letters, and dollar signs long enough, you bet I'll tear up in pure gratitude for people who have sacrificed to send me to Africa--not for the sake of me being great or awesome, but for the sake of the Gospel and its power to save lives; not because I can do anything miraculous, but because I believe that God will do miracles through our team if we yield to the Holy Spirit at every turn.

When I look at the issue of modern day slavery/poverty/prostitution (they are all interconnected), I'm faced with similar questions. Why don't people give? Why don't people serve? Why doesn't everyone DO something about it? How can they see the stories, read the news articles, see the faces of girls who have been put through pure hell, and go on living their lives as if it doesn't happen down the street? (Note; some people DO plenty. They start the enditmovement/IJM/Traffick911/Free The Captives/they volunteer/they pray daily/etc. There are people who devote their lives to this cause, and I respect them beyond belief!)

When it comes to just plain doing nothing, underlying is the same reason. We are entirely convinced that "this kind of work" is for "other people". Supporting missionaries is for "other people". BEING a missionary is for "other people". Working with girls who are sold into slavery is for "other people". Getting local law enforcement on board with teaching tactics of pimps to girls in the juvenile system is for "other people". Taking in that prostitute down the street is for "other people".

Let me tell you about these "other people". They don't exist. It's. Just. Us. There is no magically different group of people to take care of the least of these, it's up to you and I.

Everyone expects that "other people" will pick up the slack, bite the bullet, roll up their sleeves, and do what needs to be done. Because, let's face it, doing that work ourselves is just too inconvenient.

Or, maybe the opposite is true. Maybe the devil has used these "other people" to trick you into believing you're insignificant by comparison...into believing that ministry is for "other people". Good relationships centered on Christ are for "other people." Successful marriages are for "other people". College education is for "other people".

Those are powerful lies, alright. But Jesus Christ did not die for "other people". He died for you. He died for us all. We walk in victory when we walk with Christ. No, we don't stride around in arrogance and we don't walk without difficulty, but we DO walk, fully alive in the Spirit.

We're told many lies on a daily basis. Our hearts and minds are under attack, constantly. We're told we can't make a difference, won't be any good, still aren't good enough, will fail if we actually try, and so many others I'm sure you can think of. But the Word and Holy Spirit speak truth into these lies. Jesus calms our hearts and gives us peace. We know, that we know, that we know, that our God is more powerful.

His YES is stronger than satan's NO.

Oh, imagine how we'd live if we really believed all of the promises and truths of God's Word over the lies of the enemy. Imagine how different life would be. Now, go do it. Go walk in the confidence of His Word, and don't let the haters get you down. If there's a calling on your heart, go do it! If you wait around for these "other people", you'll be waiting forever.

Five-year Flashback.

Hey All,

It's been a crazy last few weeks, but we all made it through our respective finals and now it's time to enjoy some much-needed time off! Well, kind of. It turns out that getting ready to leave the country for 6 months is a little hard to do during finals/after a car wreck/hopped up on vicodin/while moving back home... who knew?

I am so surprised at how fast this year has flown by, it's already halfway through May! I leave in 53 days. FIFTY THREE! I am getting crazy excited (except for the ton of shots I'm getting soon, those I am not too thrilled about...) I am 68% funded, WHOOP. I have $6400 out of the $9300 I need, and that is ALL God. He has been faithful to provide and will continue to do so!

So as I was unpacking my things at home, I found a list of reasons why I should go to Africa that I wrote a while back...as in, five years ago. The list starts off with things that I'd be able to contribute to in a mission-work type setting ("I like working with kids" and "I don't mind being outdoors all the time"), then goes on to reasons why this would help in my career ("It shows I care about others"), then I started listing scriptures about sharing the Gospel. The entire list had a huge "X" through it, and at the bottom of the page, I wrote down one sentence.

"I want to go to Africa because it's what I'm called to do, none of the other reasons matter"

Apparently my 15 year-old self was rather insightful, but this was such an awesome reminder that this trip is truly something God has put on my heart for years. I can't believe that I actually get to go and live this dream. Sure, it's a little crazy, but hey... this is me we're talking about. I am beyond thankful for what God has done in my heart this last year and for all the many ways He's taught me, grown me, stretched me, tested me, humbled me, and shown me time and time again that none of it is about me; it's all about Him.

I've got 23 days to raise the last of my funding, 53 days until I leave, and 1 reason behind it all. I am thankful that the YES of God's promise is stronger than the NO of my circumstances. Please continue to pray that He will bring in the funding on His timing, and that He will be glorified through the whole process!

You can give $5, $10, or $15, and it will be a HUGE HELP! It adds up quickly when a lot of people give a small amount, so feel free to send any type of donation!

If you want to give, then do it! (go here: www.gofundme.com/bethelight)

If you'd rather go shopping (and it conveniently supports my trip), you can do that, TOO! Check out the Makeup for Missions Facebook Event!

God of the Car Crash.

So, looks like I got that miracle I'd been praying to see.

If you have ANY doubt that God has a plan for you, will protect you, or is all-powerful beyond our understanding...please let me tell you about my God and the times He's saved me. Tonight included.

He saved my life for the first time when I was born 3 months premature, weighed a little over a pound, and was deemed a failed pregnancy.

He saved me yet again when I wrecked my car Thursday night. While driving back to College Station, I was thinking about how much He loves us. How powerful His love is. How mighty He is. And how He has a plan for my life, even when I don't know what it is. Then I lost control of my car, hit a ditch, flipped three times, and hit a fence. Oh, and my airbags didn't deploy...

I got out of my car with a scratch on my pinky. That's right, a small scratch. You can see the pictures and judge for yourself, you can tell me that it was by chance or that I am a lucky gal. I'll tell you that I am blessed beyond measure, covered by God's hand of protection, and would not be here tonight if it weren't for His grace.

But even moreso than any of that, He saved my life when He died on the cross for me. He gave His life so that I can rest in His power and be healed in His name. Tonight, when my car flipped, the name of Jesus had the power to save me. It has the power to save you, too. He can save you wherever you are; in a ditch, in an addiction, in a broken relationship, in a failed marriage, in your heartache, in your failure, in your sin, in your struggle, in your car on the side of the road.

Jesus Christ has saved my life time and time again. If you have any doubts, let this be a sign to you that He is a mighty God who can perform miracles. I've been praying that I'd see Him work wonders in my life. Today, He answered me with a resounding reminder that He alone can rescue and save.

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

He longs to save you right where you are. He wants to work miracles in your life. Let Him in, let Him love you, and let Him heal you. Never underestimate His power or plan for your life; both are great beyond anything we could ever imagine.

Pinterest: Why your "Wedding Board" is messing up your relationship...

...your relationship with Christ, that is.

I'm sorry, gents. This post may not relate to you very well. Just a warning to you ladies, I'm sure this post will offend quite a few of you. I've got one thing I want to say, then hopefully I can explain it in a way that will encourage you to change your thinking on the matter.

For goodness' sake, go delete your wedding board(s) on Pinterest. Do it now.

Unless you have a ring on your finger, or the promise of one in the near future, stop planning your future wedding.

I know--I know. You see the perfect dress, the cutest engagement pictures, and don't even get me started on those beautiful rings and ideas for your reception. You want to make sure that someday, when you get married, you'll have all of those ideas stored, organized, and color coded so you can access them the second your man proposes. It seems harmless, right?

I will try my best to be polite, but in a word...no.

The first problem with this is that you are, to some degree, exerting effort and mental capacity to planning a wedding that may or may not actually happen. You are spending time thinking about coordinating colors, seating charts, flower arrangements, and wedding dresses. Are these bad things? Absolutely not! But who are we kidding? You'll tell yourself that you're "not planning it with anyone specific in mind," even though you're in a committed relationship. Or if you're single, you'll tell yourself "I'm just waiting for 'the one' and when he decides to show up, fall in love with me, and propose, I'll be ready and save myself time by planning it all now. All I really need is a groom!". Or my favorite, "When God brings me the right man, I just want to make sure I can serve him as his future wife by planning ahead!"

Nice try, but I speak from personal experience. I promise your ideas are super cute, lots of fun, and that should you ever have a wedding of your own, you will be the most beautiful bride on that day and all eyes will be on you! The truth is, the problems don't arise because you like a trumpet versus a ballgown wedding dress, or because you prefer sunflowers to roses. The entire premise that you're going to get married at all is not a guarantee. The idea of waiting on the right man to come along is, in itself, flawed.

If you are a Christ-loving, Bible-reading woman of the Lord--please tell me what exactly you are waiting for that you don't already have. It breaks my heart to see Godly women pining after the idea of a future husband. Your Creator loves you so much, and any man in your life is (or should be) automatically competing for the number two place in your heart. Our Savior clinched first prize when He died for you on a cross and hand-fashioned your heart to reflect His love. If you decide that you're waiting on a husband to the extent that you're exploring wedding options on a daily or weekly basis, that's a strong indicator that something in your heart is longing for someone other than your Savior in a BIG way. It becomes far too easy to idolize the idea of marriage instead of loving the God who created the union to begin with.

Will you end up married someday? There's no guarantee. Maybe God is preparing you for a husband, but maybe not. Make no mistake; He is certainly preparing you for something great! It's just not set in stone that this "something great" will include a husband. If your idea of following after the Lord's plan for your life automatically includes a husband, I so strongly encourage you to spend some quiet time with the Lord searching your heart to find out why that desire is there. If God has placed it on your heart to be a wife and mother as a calling, Praise the Lord for His clarity! If you need to pray through it, then please do so. Honestly, we have to reconcile ourselves that we are called to serve our brothers in Christ in love and as women we are so uniquely able to do so. We are called to be Godly women who find full satisfaction in the Lord before He can ever prepare us to be a Godly wife and mother. If God's plan for you doesn't include a Mr. Right, does that make you bitter? Would you still follow after His plan with all your heart?

I know this seems like it's making a huge deal over nothing, but the constant thinking about weddings and far-off days of planning one of your own can set you up for such heartache. I don't wish any broken relationships on anyone, but without knowing it, we can so easily idolize marriage and make it the assumed future for our current relationships. Again, it's a personal conviction of mine and I would encourage you to spend time in prayer about it.

I will, however, challenge you. Delete your wedding boards on Pinterest and spend your time doing something else. Write notes of encouragement to your friends, read your Bible, do homework...anything but failing to guard your heart by trying to plan a wedding with a fill-in-the-blank spot for a groom. When your desire for a wedding becomes greater than the desire for a Christ-centered marriage, which is stronger than your desire for Christ Himself; you'll fill that blank in with anyone who's willing.

As your sister in Christ, I DO love you and want nothing but the best for you. Please know that I am not against Pinterest at all, and you bet I spend too much time on it! I love the beautiful gift of marriage and the commitment it embodies. I love dresses and flowers and pretty things that people do at weddings. My heart and prayer is that you will be fully content in God's love and desire nothing but to serve Him here and now, as a single or coupled up, strong woman of the Lord.

Waiting on a man? Ain't nobody got time for that.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart; for it is the wellspring of LIFE.

Talitha, cumi.

"Talitha, cumi" is the phrase used by Jesus to resurrect a man's daughter from her death in Mark chapter 5. He says to her, "Little girl, rise up".

If there was ever a phrase that spoke to what God has put on my heart, this would be it.

To understand the power of being called to rise out of our despair and spiritual death, we have to recognize how low that pit can be. The defenseless, the broken, the manipulated, the owned, the least of these. The modern day sex slave isn't so different from any girl that you or I know. She has a name, but it's doubtful she even refers to herself by that anymore. She secretly just wants to be told how beautiful she is, but she's afraid of that beauty because it's been marred by the lies of her clients and the abuse of the men in her life. She's dreamed of a day that rescue would come; a day that justice would be served. There was a life before her captivity. There was a time that she knew freedom. She goes to your school and lives down your street. Maybe she's been to your Church; maybe she didn't look like she belonged there. She's the scantily clothed woman in the grocery store that the Holy Spirit calls you to pray for. She's in jail for prostitution, but no one ever bothered to ask her if she had a choice in the matter. It's likely that she didn't. She's not an "other" an "unknown"--and she is not part of a "them". She is part of us, a part of God's creation and a part of our community. She's one of our own, and we are called to be a part of her solution. We are called to be a part of her story; a part of love's restoration in her heart. If the Church won't rise up to defend her, who will? Or are we so comfortable in our pews that we'd rather not deal with the girls being sold across the street?

Our God loves with a reckless, fierce, passionate love that is evident in the hearts of those who follow after Him. He is a righteous God of justice who provides a defense for the widow and is a father to the orphan. We are called, time and time again in scripture, to seek justice and be a voice for those who have been silenced. This is not optional; service doesn't earn you bonus points in Christianity--at least it shouldn't. God doesn't ask us politely to volunteer once a week at the local homeless shelter so we can cross it off our list and sleep better at night; He calls us to take up the cross daily and boldly follow after Him. We are not called to make ourselves martyrs, but we are certainly called to rejoice in any suffering we may encounter for the cause of Christ. Will we turn a blind eye, or will we pray? Will we act? Will we be the hands and feet of Christ to reach out to our sisters, broken and bleeding in dark rooms, in places known and unknown?

"Open your mouths for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy" Proverbs 31:8,9

"Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression, bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's case" Isaiah 1:17

Maybe it's too inconvenient for you to take the time to think through the reality of trafficking. Maybe you'd rather ignore it or stay uninformed so that you won't have to face the facts that we have women and young girls being sold in our college town, in your home town, in your school, in your community. Maybe you'd rather believe that it only happens in other countries, or that we are merely a site of transport and not a part of the problem. As uncomfortable as it may be for you to reconcile these facts; it is far more uncomfortable to explain to women who have been brought out of captivity why their rescue took so long. Faith without works is just a belief in your head, without yielding to the calling in your heart.

This calling to serve, desire for justice, call to action--whatever you'd like to call it, is not a burden. It is the biggest blessing I could possibly ask for. Is there anything more amazing than being a part of God's heart for justice on this earth? Is there any calling more fulfilling than to love broken people, because we recognize our own brokenness and the healing God has brought us? All of creation groans in anticipation for the Gospel. The hearts and spirits of our sisters in slavery are broken. They are cold, bitter, and have had their hopes destroyed. They have been abused in ways that can and should always, always break our hearts. In the depths of their despair, Christ looks to them and says, "Daughter, rise up." He sends us out to declare that to them and to love them until they can learn to love themselves again.

I pray daily that the Lord would raise up bold men and women for this social injustice. I pray that He will cause a stirring in the Church that ignites our hearts to pray, and then to act. I pray that my sisters in bondage will be restored and healed to show the unending power of Christ's love. I pray that He would be glorified in our heart's cry for the defense and protection of our sisters still in captivity. I pray that He would grow this passion in us as we seek His will. I pray for the girls in Houston, Bryan, College Station, and Dallas--as they are surrounded by bystanders to their abuse, that they would have a hope that the Lord uses to sustain them until they are set free. I pray that the eyes of law enforcement in these cities would be opened as they see cantinas, massage parlors, motels, strip clubs, and street corners. I pray that they would have a righteous anger that leads them to act on behalf of our women and young girls. I pray that the Lord would continue to keep us poor in spirit and forever humbled by His grace that breaks our hearts, just as His is broken. I pray that my heart would never lose the desire to love my sisters and to proclaim that their time in captivity is over; that it is their time to rise up and be restored.

"Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight. I will put my Spirit on him, and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness, he will bring forth justice; He will not falter or be discouraged until he establishes justice on the earth." Isaiah 42:1-4.

If you'd like some help in learning how to pray intentionally for this cause, I encourage you to use IJM's Just Prayer guide.

http://www.ijm.org/sites/default/files/IJM-Just-Prayer-Devotional-2013.pdf

Back to the heart of worship.

I thought a good deal about how to proceed with my blog. At this point in my fundraising, I am running behind schedule. This means I owe money that I don't have. I could easily write about my need for that money or how much "good" I will do in Africa. Truthfully, that's just not where my heart is right now. I don't want to "sell" myself or my trip for funding. I'd much rather share what God has put on my heart in hopes that someone might benefit from it, or even be encouraged by the ways God has been teaching me to seek His will. Maybe this isn't what you'd consider an economically beneficial choice, but should you choose to keep reading, I'd love nothing more than to share my heart with you. I pray that God would speak through me and He would be glorified through this process.

Nothing that we do has any impact. Let that sink in for a minute. Humbling, isn't it? We can easily get caught up in wanting to "do good" for the Lord. There is nothing wrong or bad about that desire, but I was definitely in need of a reality check. I am such a broken person. I fail, daily. Anything that I can do, all of my words of encouragement to others, are simply temporary. In 1st Corinthians, we are reminded, if I sell all I have and donate my money to the poor, but don't have love...I gain nothing. Even with faith that can move mountains, without love, I am nothing. Simply put, we have to come back to loving the Lord. It sounds so simple, but do I really seek the Lord daily? Do I really spend time in earnest prayer,waiting on the Lord to hear His voice in all I do?

It all comes down to realizing how truly broken we are. All we are is empty and temporary. But God has placed eternity in our hearts, and has bought us out of captivity with His blood. So, how do we make a difference? How can we truly make in impact in our calling? We love Him. We pray, continuously. We ask Him to reveal His heart to us. For me, that means His heart for justice. His heart for healing the broken. His heart for loving the lost and the outcast and the people who need His love the most. We have to love Him through our hardships, through our bad days, through our good days, through our days where we doubt our callings, and through our days when we doubt ourselves.

When we chase after Him with all that we have and seek Him in every waking moment; He changes our hearts. He gives us a love that pours out without any conscious effort. We start to look more like Him, our Creator. We start to see through His eyes and notice opportunities for ministry that we never thought possible. It is such a beautiful dichotomy; to be at peace and to find joy in realizing how insignificant we are, but how powerful and gracious our God is.

I pray that I would sit quietly at the feet of Jesus in silence, waiting on the Lord to move. To speak. To change me. To love others through me. I pray that I would rejoice in being called to be poor in spirit for what breaks His heart. I pray that my heart would look more like His, and that He would open my eyes to see the need for His love in this world. I pray that He will use me in Africa according to His plan, and not my own selfish desires. I pray that He will break strongholds and change hearts in people all over this world, and I pray for the boldness to ask for big things. To request of the Lord what He has put on my heart to pray for. I pray that I would be reminded at every turn, that there is power in HIS name and that He is a mighty God of healing and restoration.

Restless Hearts & Spinning Wheels.

It almost doesn't need to be said--but I'm going to spell this all out regardless. Africa. Leaving. Serving. My team. It's all slowly becoming more real and more definite. Every time I pray, it gets more specific.

My team members have names, stories, and lives of their own they are putting on pause to journey to another world. The dates and times are getting more specific, too. Be here at this time; we'll be training here and then flying out of there. I can almost, almost see it. My feet will be on African soil in no time at all. And for all the anticipation, all the prayer, and the time spent in joy and preparation--what's next? What happens when we get there?

I only have more questions the more I think and pray...and think, and pray...

It's like I could pray for days. I want to be prepared, spiritually, to pour out to others. I want to build real relationships with members of the community. With women. With children. With widows. And orphans. And people who don't know the love of Christ. I don't think I'll be standing on any street corners proclaiming the Gospel. But I know that seeds will be planted. Lives will be changed. My heart will break for these people; and God will bring them healing. My eyes will be opened to the incredible poverty and extreme situations that are commonplace in these countries, and I'll be frustrated with the way I live my life here. There are things I'm guaranteed to experience; there are things I would never be able to hope or pray for that the Lord will show us as we spend time serving Him. Anything can happen. Anything.

My prayer is that our team would be a raging fire for the Lord. Not a dim light, not a flicker of a candle. A raging, burning fire with a passion for the Lord that stirs things up. A presence of love and humility that God will use to destroy footholds, lies, and temptations of the enemy. A team entirely devoted to prayer and community, walking in the Spirit to take every opportunity to love others and to share the hope we have in Him.

It feels like I'm getting restless--but in a way, I think I always have been. At least a small part of me has always known that a quiet, comfortable life just doesn't quite line up with my heart and passion. It's almost time to take off on this adventure, but for now, I have to remind myself that I have a purpose to serve here. Please pray with me, that I will be focused to serve whole heartedly here until it's time for me to leave.

I have raised 40% of the money I need thus far. Praise the Lord. These donations have been prayerfully given, heartfelt, and incredibly humbling. I can't help but look at the names of those who have given and be thankful for their willing hearts. My next milestone is in 2 weeks, and I need $900 by then. My prayer is that the Lord will use this for His glory. Will you join in this prayer with me? Will you pray for my team, as they also go through the various challenges of fundraising?

To give:
http://www.experiencemission.org/Display.asp?Page=donatelanding

UserID: CMOR1002

Spoiled Brat; a change in thinking.

It’s not about the money…but…isn’t it?

Come on, Lord. $6,000 is NOTHING compared to burning bushes and chariots of fire and angel armies appearing from heaven. I know that You will provide, but when? A month before? A week before? The last day that money can possibly be submitted? Wouldn’t it just be better for everyone if they money came in…right…about…now?

Well, for His purposes; it is actually better for me that the money come in…later. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. I’m not there yet, though. Wherever I need to be in order to not feel the need for this money to come in NOW, I’ve got a ways to go before I get there. And until then, it’s me and Him. Every day. Working towards peace and joy and not holding onto this selfish impatience.

I’ll be entirely honest with you all today. I feel like a spoiled brat. Oh, yeah. I haven’t used that phrase in ages…but it’s exactly what I felt like in prayer earlier. There are bigger problems in the World. Greater needs. People that don’t have food or shoes or clothes, people who lost loved ones and buddies, people in need of so much. And here I am, complaining because I haven’t raised $10,000 yet.

I heard an awesome story about the Lord providing for someone else’s trip today. My first reaction? GOD IS SO GOOD! My  second? Okay, so where is my miracle? When does my cash start rolling in? I KNOW...awful. Just awful...like I said, spoiled brat. Total mess. But, a mess that is redeemed and loved. A work in progress. A sinner saved by grace, through faith. I ask that you pray pray pray pray pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. And. Pray. Please.


"I hear the Savior say, thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray. Find in Me, thine all in all".

BOOM. It hit me. Find in HIM my all. My everything. In my selfish desire to have the security of money in my missions account; I am literally trying to rob God of doing a miraculous work. Isn't that what I've been PRAYING to see?! Isn't that on my heart, to see our GOD of wonders do incredible things? Isn't this exactly what I signed on for? Life with HIM is crazy. Unexpected. Doesn't make sense to the outside world. Doesn't follow a set plan, path, or timeline. THIS is what HE put on my heart to desire; an adventure. Forget the "you are beautiful" and "you're a princess" pep talks. GOD made my heart for more than this. For more than the superficial. For something new and different and just plan NUTS. That's what living for Him is all about.

Maybe instead of praying that the Lord would hurry up with bringing the money in, I should be praying that HE will use my fundraising to get people's attention. To prove without a shadow of a doubt that HE IS ALIVE AND LIVING IN ME! Can you imagine how incredible it would be to raise the whole $6,000 in a DAY, at the last minute? Can you imagine how much potential that has to show others the power and love and faithfulness of our God? He can use this ALL for His glory and to reach others...before I ever even get on the plane. I've been saying that mission work doesn't start when I get to Africa, maybe it's time I start living that out. 

I’m in need of some intervention of the Divine nature. $6,000 in 95 days..a little over $60 for every day. If you would be so kind as to share in this journey with me, I can’t meet this goal on my own. I believe that the Lord works through communities and the fellowship we have with each other. I am praying daily that the Lord will provide on HIS time. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Yeah, I have to repeat it. I have to get it in my head (and heart) that this is not up to me or my impatience. I can’t just stomp my foot and get what I want, when I want it. By HIS grace and in HIS timing, this money will come through.

Can you believe that with me?

Phil. 1:6 "...being confident in this, that He, who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus..."

33.3%

Hey All,

Today is a wonderful day! I am at the 1/3 mark for my funding! God is SO GOOD. I also have the opportunity to get to know my teammates! We are finally in contact via facebook and I can't tell you how excited I am to meet the people that I'll be serving the Lord with for six months. We can get to know each other and be in prayer for each other as we prepare to start our journey. With all that God has been showing me about fellowship and community recently, I am so thrilled that we can come together ahead of time and begin that process.

So, I know that my blogs tend to be about a variety of topics, and more recently, about human trafficking. On a serious note, I do actually need to raise money for my trip. I go back and forth between not worrying at all...and spazzing out entirely. I worry that maybe I'm not asking enough people, not asking the right way, or maybe everyone I know is just really struggling financially. I knew, going into this, that raising the money would be a challenge for me. Not for my God, but for me. I've prayed that God would bring the money in on HIS timing, not mine. But dang am I feeling the pressure. I am definitely feeling like I should have more at this point. I've even felt surprised or offended at the people who haven't given. That's terrible, trust me, I know. I had so many expectations going into the fundraising process--that would be mistake number one. I found myself asking God to take away the worry and the doubt about the funding, and by His grace, He did. This past couple of weeks I stopped checking, stopped looking, stopped spamming everyone with reminders that I still need money. It's such a weird feeling to ask people to help you raise almost $10,000. Even weirder to know that I don't have that much by a long shot.

I am 1/3 of the way funded. The donations I've received have been so wonderful and heartfelt, and I know that I'm covered in prayer and support. I humbly ask that you continue to pray for me and for the funding process. If you feel lead to give, please do. I still need to raise $150 more in the next week to meet the milestone requirement. And, in the big picture, I still need $6,000 in the next 97 days. I'll be honest, that number is so intimidating. Our God is always, always faithful to make things beautiful in HIS timing.

http://www.experiencemission.org/Display.asp?Page=donatelanding

UserID: CMOR1002

He doesn't need me.

"She has a name, she is somebody's daughter. She was made in the Image of our King...but she's a slave, held captive in chains. In Jesus' name, we have got to do something...Only YOU can set them free, but make us part of the solution"
--Donna Stuart, Part of the Solution

I was hit pretty square in the face with a humbling reminder this past weekend.

That is, God doesn't need me to go to Africa. God doesn't need me to minister. God doesn't actually need any of us to do anything. He is the all-powerful Author and Perfecter of our faith. He literally breathed our stars into being. He speaks through burning bushes, pillars of fire, and can flood the Earth with a simple thought. He does not need me to go to Africa to share His love. He can change hearts and divinely intervene in ways that I can't even imagine. But, by His grace, He uses those who are willing.

Whenever you look into the World, your society, or your neighborhood--whatever you see that breaks your heart and calls you to action; He is the solution. We are able to play a part in His story because He, by His grace, uses us. He is willing to send us out into the battle with the knowledge that He will win the victory for us.

Sounds incredible, right? The speaker last weekend (at a conference I attended) gave the example of feeling like a warrior princess. If you know me very well, you know that THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Warrior Princess? Fighting for Jesus? Doin' work to destroy the enemy? Yeah. That's right up my alley. That gets me pumped up to go share His love, praying for and claiming victory over the strongholds of the enemy, praising the Lord for the work He has done and will do, and feeling like a million bucks because God in His infinite grace is going to let me play a part in doing His work! Well...at least....I think He is...? He is...isn't He? He'll send me out to some great calling...right? 

Oh, well. You see...here is what I learned/am learning/will continue to learn. God's calling for my life doesn't start on July 7th, and doesn't end December 21st. Doing His will is not a futuristic project to be done during a set time period. Ministry doesn't start when you break ground on a building or hand out your first Bible to someone on the street. It happens now. It's where you are today, what you do today, and how you use the time you have to glorify Him. I think we get so caught up in waiting for that one "magic thing" that will REALLY be ministry.

I was reminded that we have to serve whole-heartedly where and when we are. As in here and now. In order to do that, we have to know Him. I mean really, know Him. If you've read any of my past several posts, I'm sure you can pick up on some of the things that have really been pushing on my heart about ministry with women in sex trafficking. Do I feel like that is something God has placed on my heart? ABSOLUTELY! Do I need to run off to another country right this second to go all vigilante, rescuing women out of captivity? Well, no... though the idea may have crossed my mind!

There will be a time when I need to act on these convictions. But now, He's called me to finish school and to serve as a chaplain where I am. He's called me to go to Africa, to strip down my heart to the basics in preparation for what He has next and to share His love with those in need. So though I may be stirred and moved and passionate to act on what I believe, if I really want to be useful right now, the best thing I can do is pray. Pray, pray, pray.

The analogy given at the end of this conference was that of a flaming arrow. With God as our archer, we are meant to wait in His quiver until the time is right. Our hearts are broken; set ablaze with conviction and passion, we are pulled backwards until we can't stand the strain any longer--then, just before our breaking point, we are sent to our target to do maximum destruction to the kingdom of darkness. 

So, until that time is here...I wait. Wait and pray. I pray that my desires will become His desires, and that I can be faithful in prayer for the things He's put on my heart. I pray that I seek Him above all else and that His love would pour out of my life. The things we do by our own effort are temporary; the things He does through us by His love are eternal. I am so thankful that He is teaching me and stretching my heart to make room for so much, even if that means emotions run high. Sometimes when God sends us, it's right back to our prayer closets to get on our knees and pray...and wait...and pray.

"I used to pray that God would feed the hungry, or do this and do that, but now I pray that He will guide me to do whatever I'm supposed to do, what I can do. I used to pray for answers, but now I pray for strength. I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us and we change things." Mother Theresa 

Funding Update
I have to meet my goal by March 7th. The last I checked, I was around $350 away from this goal! I will be checking the account next week to see how the Lord has moved to provide the funding. So if you feel lead to give, now is a great time. If you would join me in prayer for the funding to come through in His timing, I would be most appreciative. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I can't get over it...

Tonight,

My heart is so heavy. So full. After all the highs and lows of a busy week (or half a week, really) I am fairly exhausted. Not in a physical sense. The great and attention-grabbing things God has put on my heart are most welcome. But wow. Are they persistent. I'd consider my life, in the general sense, pretty messed up.
I mean that in the best possible way, and in an excited way. I am thrilled that God has a plan for my life to give me a hope and a future, even if that future is different than what I wanted a year ago. Which--by the way, it is. I'm going to try to write this post in "real talk" rather than "Church talk". So bear with me.

Imagine, you are raised in a small town. Your family barely gets by and your mom is expecting another child. Sure, you might be a young girl, but you've heard of girls traveling to big cities for jobs that pay well. You may even see some of the other families are able to afford things like phones and real furniture. A man visiting from the nearest city tells of some job openings, available to girls. No training required. Your mother and father insist that you go take one of these jobs, so that you can send the money back home to support your family. You want to give them all you can and be a faithful, honorable daughter. So, you gladly agree to travel to the city to be a waitress or a server in a bar. You figure that you will be a good daughter if you can get enough money to help out the family. But when you get to the city, something very different happens. Something is wrong. Strange men come to evaluate your appearance. They look at your body. Your hair. Your teeth. They beat you and abuse you until you can barely think strait. Maybe they drug you, maybe they feed you. Maybe it just depends on the trafficker. Once you've been properly broken [in], you are sold, used, used again, broken, sold, used, used again, and broken...so on and so on. You're kept alive, but barely. Maybe your family is getting money, maybe not. The only thing you know for sure is that you are owned. You do what you're told and keep quiet; maybe they won't hit you as hard. Maybe they'll be nicer. Maybe someone else will buy you and treat you better. As long as you stop feeling, caring, thinking, and hoping...you can shut the world out and numb yourself to the pain. Or at least you try to. Until...until what? What do you wait for? Why bother with emotion or thoughts of the outside world? Maybe this is normal. Maybe this is love. Doesn't every girl go through this? This must be all there is.

Now, let's try a slightly different scenario. Let's say you're raised in Houston. Or Atlanta. Or Miami. You know, one of the bigger cities in this area of our world. In this land of "freedom". Your dad is long gone, and mom barely feeds you and your brother with the welfare check that comes every month or so. You're only twelve, but hey--you've lived a lot for a girl your age. Some of your friends sell drugs to bring in money for rent. Most of them don't go to school anymore, there's really no point. It's not like any of you will get into college, but maybe you can finish high school someday. Maybe once mom can kick her habit for good and get a job. But until then, you know you have a responsibility as the oldest sibling to try to make some money. One day, a nicely dressed older gentleman--maybe 30--offers to get you a good meal. You do look a little thin. Money's been tight and you don't eat as much as you should. You agree to the strangers kindness and decide that you can smile enough to show appreciation for the meal. He tells you he's got money. So much money, he doesn't know what to do with it all. He even shows you his wallet; that's the most money you've ever seen at one time. Wow. He must really know what he's doing. He tells you that if you're nice enough to him, he'll share his money with you...but sometimes, you'll need to be nice to his friends too. It seems a little strange to you, but the thought of your baby brother starving at home is motivation enough for you to consider. Six months later, you've slept with more clients than you can keep track of. You're addicted to some drug that your pimp uses to keep you coming back to him. You haven't seen your family in months, and you don't know where you are. All the nights you've spent laying down in the back of a van, travelling hotel to hotel. Meeting man after man with his list of demands and preferences. But hey, you're good at it. And your pimp is more of a father than your real one anyways. At least he keeps you doped up enough so you don't have to feel the pain. It's all you know, so you embrace your broken and crushed spirit. You claim that incredible pain as your identity, and never question it. You end up in some small town called Bryan. You don't know where that is, but this place isn't unlike any other. There is nothing special about this town.

I wish with all my heart that these types of scenarios were uncommon. We like to think of human trafficking in the sense of the first story; as happening in a small town in another country. YES. It absolutely does happen there. It is a real problem in so many countries, but YES it is a problem in our own. It happens in Bryan. Miles from where I'm sitting--right now. There are broken girls that are used, transported, and sold while we sit in our classes and go to our meetings. Oh, how my heart breaks to think about this. I get so angry and frustrated that my hands shake and I feel like I can't breathe. Fifty. Thousand. College. Students. The HUGE Christian bubble that is Texas A&M; and many of us...just...sit. We sit. We remain unaware. Unmoved. Inactive. Where are we? What are we doing?

I just want to hold these girls and pray for them until I run out of words. I want to beg them to listen to what God can do in their hearts. I want God to miraculously open their minds to hope again. I want their pimps and traffickers to rot in jail for what they've done; but I want healing for their hearts, too. I want to sit with them as they wrestle with the pain they've experienced, I want to dry their tears and tell them how beautiful and loved they are to me and to our Savior. I want them to know the most incredible love I've ever experienced and to feel the healing that is unlike any other from a Savior that died and rose again to fight for them. To love them. To win their hearts. To bring them out of captivity. I want them to know that God wants to claim them as His daughter, redeemed and made whole through His love.

I pray that these desires will align with what He wants for me, not what I want for me. I pray that awareness will continue to grow and that these girls will be covered in prayer by men and women of incredible faith. I pray that they hold on. Just  hold on, a little bit longer. Somewhere...somewhere there is hope. God will move. God will heal. God will save and rescue. I ask you to join me in prayer for these girls. Maybe there's a specific place or situation on your heart. Maybe you don't know where to start. But I ask that you pray for these women and girls, and that we would be aware of the closeness of this problem. Pray that those called to action would rise up to fight with the Lord to bring justice. Pray that the hearts of these women will be receptive to any and all ways that God is going to reveal Himself to them.

2 Cor. 3:17 "Now the Spirit is the Lord, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom"

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

FELLOWSHIPPP! (And Funding Update!)

Hey All,

I am so wonderfully overwhelmed  today. Yes, it's Valentine's Day. And yes, I'm spending it single. But that doesn't add or subtract from the incredible joy that's found in the Lord. I am blessed with friends who encourage me, support me, and hold me accountable! I have been so thrilled to get plugged in with other believers, both on the quad and around the World! If you pray for a community of believers to surround you and pray that the Lord will open your eyes to see the genuine friends you already have, BOOM...WILL HE DELIVER. I am completely sold, drinkin' the kool-aid, and ALL IN. Love the Lord, love others. It's so simple, but having people surround you with prayer and encouraging words and THE Word and reminders of His love when times are tough, makes all the difference. If you're not plugged in, GET THERE! It can be Bible study, Church, small groups, a student organization, people who read the Word together...just find a group of people to live life with who will "spur you on" to grow in your faith. Once you surround yourself with like-minded believers, you will be so encouraged just by knowing they're there. With all the people God has put in my life or reconnected me with, it overwhelms me to see His love. It's moving. It's active. It's changing lives in other schools, towns, and countries. Can you feel it, too? The stirring? Something is happening. Not just here on campus on in Texas or in the United States. Maybe we're finally waking  up. Maybe our eyes have been opened to see the beauty of doing work for the Kingdom. Maybe we'll never know why us, or why now. But I tell you what--if you think that Church is boring, Bible Study is reading a bunch of old stories, or that a community of believers can't impact the World--you are mistaken, and I would love nothing more than to show you what God is doing. If you feel in your heart that God is moving you to act, because really, His love compels us to action--do something. Get fellowship. Get active. And GET READY, because God is working and moving in mighty ways. We just have to open our hearts to see it, and decide that it's worth the risk to get involved. Really, what better cause than to chase after Christ and to share His love with the lost, broken, and unreached? What could possibly be better?

-Insert shameless BattleGroups plug-

If you're on the Quad and wonder, are there believers like me? What does it look like to be a Godly leader in the Corps? How can I follow the rules and guidelines but show Christ's love through my actions as a cadet? Do other people struggle in the same way I do? The answers to those questions can be found through some awesome time of fellowship called Battle Groups. I wish I would have been involved as an underclassman, and I encourage you to get involved. Cough, Thursday evenings in Duncan, in non-regs. You can be comfortable, relax, and enjoy a time of small group fellowship where we struggle, grow, and praise the Lord together.

-End of Plug-

Now, on a more serious note, my fundraising update as of today...

I have nothing but humble thanks and praise for those who have donated thus far. It's a constant battle between the bottom line and reminding myself that God is GREATER. He is so faithful and I am trusting it all to HIS timing. I won't pretend that it's easy to do. $6,000 is a lot to owe at 147 days out. I'm well aware. But I am trusting the same God that parted the red sea, spoke to Moses through a burning bush, and thought our World into motion. Suddenly that sum of money just doesn't seem like a challenge. I am struggling to find the balance between having faith in His timing and in actively communicating my needs to friends and family. I want to have joy over the money I've raised, but don't want to seem complacent or inactive. I know know know in my heart that He just wants me to let go. To trust entirely. To stop clicking the "refresh" button on my account as often as I do. So, all of that being said, I won't be checking my missions account until the next milestone's deadline has passed. Oh--feel that little tug in your stomach? Yeah. ME TOO. The, "Oh...what if you're $20 short the day before, and you don't even know to ask for it?" or "What if you're $500 short, and miss it by a long shot?" Well. My God is bigger, and I need to let go. So I'll just say that I owe $360 until I hit the next "milestone" and that amount needs to be in, in the next 20 days. If you're buying a t-shirt, that's separate from this account and you'll need to contact me directly. But other than that, I leave it to the Lord.

God is good. ALL THE TIME!

A Letter to Men

Hey All,

Let me preface this really quickly by saying it was a blessing to have so many of you guys ask me questions! REAL, honest, why-are-girls-so-crazy kind of questions. Thanks to Tiffany for the idea. She's had men write letters to women, and now I feel "up to the challenge" of hopefully encouraging my brothers in Christ to have a better understanding of us woman-folk! I took the questions the men were asked in these letters, as well as some specific questions from guys that submitted them. It's long, but hopefully worth the read. If you have thoughts, please share. I'd like to know how much of this makes sense!

Brother in Christ,

Let me start out by thanking you for your questions. Thank you for having the courage to ask specific questions about us women. I will openly admit that we are confusing, difficult to understand, and sometimes even a little crazy. Hopefully this letter can help clarify a few things in your mind and heart as you pursue the Lord and the plan He has for your life, whether that includes a wife or not. I will also admit to you that dating and relationships have been a huge “thorn in my side” so-to-speak. I have had enough experience dating the wrong kind of guys to have a solid idea of what not to look for. I hope and pray that this letter can be encouraging to you and that God will continue to work in your heart to make your desire for Him greater than any longing to be in a relationship.

As for what attracts me to a guy, I will give you a perfectly cliché, hallmark, Sunday School answer. He absolutely must be “souled out” for Christ. When I think about a potential relationship, I will consider what that person is willing to for the Lord (which should be ANYTHING). There is nothing more attractive than a man who prays and encourages those around Him. One of (if not the MOST) attractive qualities in a guy is his heart for the Lord. As for what I notice, I pay a great deal of attention to a man’s words. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Does he spend his time tearing others down, or building them up? Is he so passionately in love with Christ that he can’t help but share what the Lord is doing? Do his words match his actions and the way he lives his life? I am only a woman, and I wish I could say that looks don’t matter at all. I put a great deal less emphasis on them than I have in the past, but essentially, girls like to see some effort! Put on a button down shirt. Wear jeans. Take care of yourself. Those are good places to start!

In regards to what I’m “looking for” in a potential relationship, the key thing to me is that I shouldn’t have to look very hard.  I understand that people can be guarded, and guys especially may not be comfortable talking about emotions. That’s not what I’m referring to. The qualities I look for should be obvious parts of them that can’t help but shine through. I am looking for someone to be a “battle buddy” and a “running partner” (not real running, let’s be honest). I know this sounds kind of strange. But honestly, I am looking for someone to fight alongside me to do the Lord’s work. I want a “lion chaser,” meaning, someone who will actively pursue the Lord and isn't afraid of a challenge. I will be as honest as I can be, I am stubborn and for the most part, like to take care of myself. I need a guy who can keep up with me. For this reason I don’t look for someone who treats me like I might break if you squeeze too hard. I want someone who will be a spiritual leader but will also spur me on to a stronger relationship with Christ. Someone who isn't afraid to call me out on tough issues and be genuine with me, even if that’s difficult to do. I don’t think I’m comfortable with being in a relationship where I am supported. I need more than someone to cheer from the sidelines; I want someone to actively participate with me in reaching the lost for Christ.

If you are curious about a girls’ intentions, my advice and encouragement is to be honest. Be honest. Be honest. Be honest. If you find that a girl is pursuing YOU; you’re doing it wrong. I am an extremely independent person, but I will not chase after a man. I will not ask you what your intentions are in hopes that you want to date me, court me, or otherwise pursue me. If you are at the point in a friendship/potential relationship where you think a girl may have developed feelings for you or may be romantically interested, you need to DTR—stat. I’m talking about a face-to-face, sit down, talk it out kind of session. I know, a guy’s worst nightmare. But I am perfectly serious. Tell her your intentions in a clear and respectful way, and ask her to explain hers as well. And for goodness’ sake, encourage her to GUARD HER HEART. If you cannot be honest enough or bold enough to sit down and explain the way you feel to your sister in Christ, then you do not need to be pursuing her. You do not need to date her. Your best bet is to tell her specifically all you want is friendship, and pray for her as a brother in Christ.

 I can’t speak for all women, and unfortunately, many a guy has thought that I was romantically interested when all I wanted was a friendship. I believe friendship is the best basis for any relationship. Girls flirt. We like attention. We like to be told we’re pretty and we even like those cute little messages you send us, just because. Sometimes we like the attention and we go along with it because it encourages us to know that guys will treat us well. This doesn't mean that we are ready for a relationship or that we are interested. It varies girl to girl on how that’s expressed. We are called to encourage each other and love one another as brothers and sisters in Christ! This does not mean we are dating! So unless we've specifically had that conversation, you can safely assume that we are friends. But again, if you feel that a girl may be developing those feelings, be brave and talk with her about it. That’s the best way to clarify and understand each other.

If you want to encourage your sister in Christ, there are plenty of little (or big) ways you can do this. Encourage her to read the Word. Speak truth in her life when she needs it (but speak it in love, please and thank you!). Open her doors for her. Be her friend. Make her laugh. Listen to her, I mean really, listen. Ask her to put more clothes on. In a world where men are trying to see as much of women’s bodies as they can, it is refreshing to have a guy ask a girl to put on a sweater/wear leggings under that really short dress/etc. I had someone respectfully ask me something similar once, and it took me by surprise—but I was thrilled. Encourage us to be modest, and tell us if we are causing you to stumble. Remind her that Godly men do exist. Serve her by living a life that reflects the love of Christ! There is nothing more encouraging and refreshing then to see men my age that are entirely wrapped up in doing the Lord’s work. Finally, always be praying for her.

A quick comment on Proverbs 31, you should read it. You should look for it in the women in your life. It is a great guide for a Godly woman! BUT—look for a woman who emanates Christ above all else! It’s one thing to desire to serve men as a Godly woman, using Proverbs 31 as an example. It’s entirely different if a woman is trying to be the perfect future Mrs. Whoever. I think that’s a trap many women our age can fall into. If you've found a Godly woman, and she isn't ready to date or isn't comfortable with that kind of relationship at this point in her life, appreciate that. Respect that. Don't settle for less. There is a difference between convenience and connection! Don't settle for a girl that's a non-believer just because it means you can have a hot date or a good lookin' girlfriend. A real woman is worth waiting for, and more than likely, she'll make you wait! 

When pursuing a girl, it’s important to know what she thinks of as “dating”. It can mean many things to many women. I am one of “those girls” and I like to read Josh Harris books about good ol’ fashioned courtships. But I have many friends that are comfortable with anything from casually dating to being friends first or even courting. We all have different experiences and convictions that shape the way we handle relationships. Talk about it with the girl you are pursuing and agree upon the boundaries and expectations of your relationship early on! This will save a lot of headache, I speak from experience. 

Many of you asked about discussing failures/struggles with sin/past relationships/past sexual impurity. Phew. That’s a tough issue. When it comes to you talking about things that you struggle with currently or have had problems with in the past; there’s a time a place for it. A first date or over coffee? That’s probably not the ideal time. But there is a need for that conversation. I’ve read Wild At Heart, and that makes me an expert on men. (Ha-ha, that was a joke…It’s a touchy subject so that’s your comic relief) But from what I’ve heard and read, men feel that failure somehow mars them. Failure isn’t a reality in Christ! We are redeemed and restored through His incredible love. Failure turns to victory and growth in the presence of Christ! Pray that God will use your struggles to build your strength in His grace. Rejoice in the ways God has overcome your struggles for you and the times He has moved in your heart to remind you of it. We all have a past. We all sin. We are unworthy of the precious love of our Savior, but He gives it freely. Your sin was nailed next to mine on the Cross. The beauty in our stories comes from the things He has overcome in us. There is no shame in Christ! NO SHAME!

That being said, we women are imperfect. We have struggled too. While you may feel that your struggle somehow automatically disqualifies you, women have a seemingly universal struggle as well. The lies of the enemy tell us that our struggle makes us unworthy. That we don’t deserve better. That we aren’t good enough. When (not if—when) these lies start to come to mind or attack your heart (or even the heart of the girl your dating) we are comforted in knowing that our GOD is greater and He made us in HIS image. We are sensitive about our pasts. We are hesitant to talk about our hurts and wounds in our hearts. You are not alone in being anxious about having that conversation, and you are not alone in the struggle. We are all redeemed and made beautiful (err uh, handsome!) in Christ. I encourage you to share the things you’ve struggled with, and pray for one another.

In closing, women are all so different. We are each unique, beautiful creations in Christ, and we deserved to be treated as such. We’re royalty! No, I don’t mean Disney princesses (though sometimes I wish…). We are daughters of the King of Kings and He made us to be loved and respected. He made woman from Adam’s rib; to be his equal, by his side, and near to his heart. We want courageous men. Men who are bold in their faith and who will live a life of character and reckless abandon for the Lord! I pray that you seek the Lord above all else and have faith that the very Creator of our universe took the time to hand-fashion a woman for you and for your heart. Keep pressing on towards the calling God has for you!

--Your Sister in Christ

I'm Angry--So I Googled.

Hey All,

I really did Google about my anger. You'll see in a minute.

Thank you for your prayers and support. God is moving in the lives of so many on campus here at Texas A&M. He is using organizations worldwide to share His love and to bring redemption and healing to places so dark and consumed by lies. I'm sure we sometimes would rather pretend these places didn't exist. Maybe we'd rather ignore them. Assume these dark acts only occur in far off places. Surely, surely they don't happen here. They couldn't happen in our own country, could they? It's not that common anyways, is it?

After the Nefarious screening, I became instantly burdened. The reality of the scope and magnitude of the problems regarding sex trafficking and its incredible correlation to prostitution can be easily disheartening

 Just to throw a few numbers and facts out to you:
--27 million people are currently enslaved
--88% of those are women and children (80% women, to be more specific)
--In Cambodia, as high as 90% of parents will sell one or more of their daughters to a pimp. 
--Prostitution is legalized in Amsterdam. LE-GAL-IZED.
--The international average age women enter into prostitution (or girls, depending on how you view them) is 13 to 14. This includes girls in the United States. 

In a slightly comforting way (though, nothing about the film made me very comfortable), many of the professionals interviewed regarding the emotions, damage, and overall effects of sex trafficking and prostitution were--you guessed it, Psychologists. These were professionals who "speak my language" and I instantly could frame the things they found to be true with the small amount of knowledge I've acquired about behavior and conditioning. Sparing the lecture and boring details; these women do not choose prostitution. They do not choose to be trafficked. Some, especially at young ages, do not know they are being trafficked. This is the only lifestyle they know. They have been psychologically broken and reshaped to believe that the relations between them and the "customer" constitutes love. Love. The beautiful language of our Creator. Tainted. Marred. Twisted. Force-fed to these women to make them willing. It's sickening. It's infuriating. It's the reason that, even after women leave prostitution, they may return to work because it is the only sense of normalcy they've ever known.

In the situation of trafficking, especially internationally, many of these women are from small towns. They are promised work, hope, and a way to earn money for their families. Some are sold by their parents. Some volunteer out of love for their families--thinking they will find a good job in the city. They are exploited, stripped of identity, and sold as many times as they can be deemed "useful". They are sold. Sold. SOLD. THESE WOMEN AND YOUNG GIRLS ARE SOLD. These women were made in HIS image. They are our sisters in Christ. They are beautiful and made to be loved; like every other woman. That beauty is poisoned. Used against them, to destroy any semblance they had of hope or of a brighter future. They are trapped in a body that is used like an object. They are left with the guilt, shame, pain, memories, nightmares, flashbacks, and emptiness. Make no mistake; these women are attacked. Physically, yes. Of course. But more than that. Spiritually. Their very souls are tormented by a life that is built on lies of the enemy. They are vulnerable and broken physically and emotionally by their traffickers or pimps or clients; what little hope they may have to hold on to is stomped out like a used match.

The only two things I can reconcile myself to understand at this point are that (1) The enemy is actively involved in the breaking and abuse of these women. In the way they learn to hate themselves and lose all sense of hope. In the way that these men feel the need to purchase women for fulfillment. In the lies the pimp or traffickers tells himself so that he can believe in his heart that it's just "good business". He is on the hunt for these women and would love nothing more than to destroy their hearts. (2) Our God is a healer. He is a redeemer. Regardless of the hopelessness and pain and bitter, hard, angry hearts that these women all share; He is greater. There is NOTHING, absolutely nothing that can separate these women from the love of Christ. There is NOTHING our God cannot do and no heart that He can't restore.

I've tried to write about this, specifically, several (maybe 5, 6, 7...) times already. The end result is usually me, frustrated, angry, and I end up in prayer and forget what "good takeaway" or "positive" there is to pull from all of this.(I do mean angry. Hands shaking, face red, had to Google "is it a sin to be angry with the Church for sitting idly by?" kind of angry...luckily righteous anger often moves us to action!) It took me a while to calm down enough to find words. It's understandable, given the nature of the acts done to these women. I pray, and ask you to pray, that God would use my passion to serve, help, and heal. Even if it's just one. That is one heart that can come to know the love and healing I know in my life. One woman or child rescued, one pimp that stops selling, one "John" that stops buying...that's where it starts. I humbly ask that you spend time in prayer for these women. There is a very real, nightmare of a spiritual battle being fought over these women. We can start with prayer, until God moves us to action. But please do consider, if you are called to action; don't run. Don't run from a calling because these numbers seem too big. Don't run  because you don't know where to start, how to help, or what to do. The Lord will direct your steps and guide your heart. There are people that think about doing; and there are people that do. Which will you be? 

What's a Lion Chaser, Anyways?

Hey All,

I am constantly blown away by the ways God brings the perfect encouragement at the right time. He is faithful, and I am blessed. I've had several conversations in the past few weeks that can't be anything but divine appointment! I've had people I haven't talk to in years, months, (or really talked to at all) say the things I've needed to hear at just the right moments. Talk about encouragement from every angle.

I can tell that the reality of leaving is starting to sink in, finally. I have 159 days left in Texas before I leave for training in Arizona. That leaves 129 days until my full payment is due. Yeah, those numbers are getting smaller and smaller--really fast. As much as I want to worry, I know that there is no reason to. He will bring the funding in when it's the right time, not when I kindly remind Him that I still need a solid six grand. For all the friends who've told me that fundraising alone will stretch your faith--they were not joking. They've been spot on, and I thank them for their honesty.

A few people who've seen (or even noticed) the "Chasing After Lions" reference in my blog website have assumed it was a pun based on the fact that I'm going to Africa. ...Africa, chasing lions...get it? As much as I wish I could take credit for being that clever, the title is actually something much more meaningful. There's a little known story in the Old Testament (yeah, people still read that sometimes) about a man named Benaiah. For some of you Biblical History folk, you  may recognize his name as being the leader of David's army. That's an awesome job title, but that's not where his story starts.

In 1 Chronicles, chapter 11, there's one verse that summarizes Benaiah's accomplishments. Consider it his resume.

"Benaiah, son of Jehoiada, was a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, who performed great exploits. He struck down two of Moab's best men. He also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion."

Wait--what? In a loose, modern-day equivalent, it's saying "BTW--killed a lion today. NBD. It was kinda snowy though, so it was cold and stuff..."

And that's exactly what he did. It doesn't say he was chased by a lion and fought it off. It also doesn't say he had his crazy-swole group of mighty men with him to put a hurtin' on some little lion cub. It says he WENT DOWN into a pit, and fought the lion. Oh, and it was snowy and he was alone and he didn't just fight it, he killed it dead. I can't even begin to think of the  best way to kill a lion, but I'm guessing that being in a pit with snow in it would be a bit of a disadvantage.

There is an awesome book written about this guy and the God he serves. It's called "In a Pit With a Lion on A Snowy Day". Don't let the preposition-ridden title fool you though, this book is fantastic. It analyzes Benaiah's characteristics and what kind of crazy person chases after a lion. That's where this insane story meets up with my life (and all of ours, if we let it). Running into a lion in the middle of a snow storm is NOT what I'd call an "awesome opportunity". To me, it just sounds like a nightmare. But, because of Ben's instinct to chase after the lion (literally), word gets around to King David about what he's done. He ends up the commander of David's army. What we'd think of as a nightmare ended up being one of the biggest highlights of Ben's resume. It got him to the place where God wanted him to go. Are you starting to piece it all together yet?

I won't summarize the entire book--but trust me, it is worth a read. The "lions" in our life often look like failure. They look like us, miserably crashing and burning and grasping at straws because we have no idea why our life is suddenly falling apart. The scary, huge problems in our lives can be our lions. The situations that we think must be too hard or too difficult for God to use can actually be exactly where we need to be. Not only are we supposed to accept these challenges, we're supposed to chase after them. To fight them. To allow God to bring us the unthinkable victory at the last minute. Yeah, it's dramatic. It's intense. But it's the life of a lion-chaser.

Some people naturally have and recognize these characteristics, others don't--or don't know it yet. When I think of "lion-chasers" that I know or have heard of, I think of people who start Bible studies in their living rooms with a few guys and a guitar. That Bible study is now called Breakaway--and serves thousands of Aggies every Tuesday in Reed Arena. I think of people like Levi Benkert, who sell their possessions and uproot their families to move to Ethopia; all to save the lives of children and heal the hearts of widows. I think of Ms.Rhonda, who runs an orphanage in Honduras and has brought more hope and healing to that community than you'd think possible. These are the type of people that I'd consider full-fledged, badge-wearing, lion-chasers.

But we all could stand to be a little more courageous in our lives. There's a part in each of us that longs to live a sold-out life for Christ that doesn't ask questions--that just acts on faith. I think there's something in our hearts, instinctively, that knows we're made for more than just the 9 to 5 kind of job. But I have to warn you, should you find yourself to be a lion chaser...you might end up a little--restless. I have to remind myself that not everyone spends their time browsing the internet for international ministry jobs instead of doing their Biology homework (Mom, Dad, if you're reading this..just know that my homework will still get done!)

You might find yourself a somewhat confused, because God is interfering in your life in a BIG way. You might even feel overwhelmed, like the desire in your heart to serve others is taking too much time away from other things. You might feel like you have NO idea where to start, what your "lion" is, or what you're supposed to do.But if you find yourself starting down challenges with an open mind, you believe that playing it safe is too risky, you'd rather act now and consider the odds later, and you know that you are guaranteed uncertainty--you might just be a lion chaser. And you might just learn to love it. I encourage you to read the book, and of course to pray. His biggest challenges and our hardest trials can turn out to be the very thing that puts us on track to the life He has planned for us; sometimes it just takes a little adjusting.

I am so thrilled at the ways God is working in the lives of so many people that I know, and in my life as well. There is much to be excited for, and I can't wait to see what's next. 159 days to go.

2 Timothy 2:7; For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.

We Don't Need You...GO SIT DOWN.

Hey All,

I'm sitting here in the first week of classes, with admittedly not much to do. I find myself staring at the current balance in my missions account. Humbled, thankful, excited--and frustrated. So incredibly frustrated. At part with myself, but also with a few things I think seem to have...well, rubbed me the wrong way.

I have several women in my mind that I can think of that are incredible, Godly women who live Christ-centered lives. Sure, they are busy.We all have our schedules and the demands of life. But they are never too busy to listen, pray, or stop what they're doing to share what God has put on their hearts or what they're struggling with for the day/week/month. All of them daughters of the King, all of them beautiful. All of them struggle, have been brokenhearted and have found redemption through our Savior.

Some of them were not raised in Christian homes. Some of them aren't comfortable praying out loud. Some of them have regrets that the Lord is working to turn to lessons and healing. Some of them struggle with drinking, sex, negative self-thoughts, don't hang around friends we would "bring to Church", and don't attend Bible study every Sunday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But they LOVE our Savior and they are the first to tell you how they've struggled. How they sin. How they've believed the lies of the enemy for too long and had to break free from lifestyles that didn't reflect what they know in their hearts. These women are not afraid to ask for prayer. They will come to you with their failures and heartaches and tears because they have no shame in Christ. They are sinners who struggle; and they are beautiful. They can't quote every verse in the Bible or explain to you the exegesis of the Old Testament. But their lives are real. Full of failures. Imperfect. Made whole through Christ. 

Now. There is another group of women that comes to mind. They might as well have a parking spot and pew reserved at Church for Sundays, Sunday evenings, Wednesday nights, and Saturdays too. They live blessed lives, as far as we know. They never curse, drink, disrespect their parents, have impure thoughts, get angry, or sin in any way. At least that's what they'd let you think. These women are busy with Church, Bible Study, Women's Groups, working in the Nursery, etc etc etc. You get the idea. I love these women just the same, and I love their dedication to serving--really. But their hearts are condemning, to others, and likely to themselves.You can hear it in the way they ask you where you were last Sunday, why they saw you talking to "Sally" who's a non-believer, why you spend time with friends that drink, etc. Every time I see the looks of judgement from them to the girl who's not "dressed appropriately" for Church or the shock in their eyes when they learn someone has struggled with drinking, gambling, or even--had a divorce--I want to tell them to SIT DOWN. WE DON'T NEED YOU. YOU ARE HURTING YOUR SISTERS IN CHRIST.

I know--I'm judging them in even saying that they're too judgmental. But hear me out. I want them to sit still, for even a few minutes, and be honest with themselves. Be humbled before the Lord. Be reminded of how easy it is to fool ourselves into thinking we are "good women". Here's a hint; NONE of us are. I want them to think back to Mary and Martha. I desire for them to have a change of heart and for the Lord to work in their lives! But I also want them to realize the damage they (--we--) do as women when we go to Church acting as if our lives are perfect. YES, we are always blessed to face another day. YES, we can always have joy in Christ even in our sufferings. But NO we cannot be so foolish as to think that anyone will take the charade seriously.

The danger lies in the women (especially young women, us college women) who look to them and think that if we were "Godly enough" (whatever that means) that our lives would look like that. Arguably, the opposite is true. When we are constantly facing difficult trials (real talk: when life seems to fall apart all at once), we can KNOW that God is working in us and is in the business of using our failures to make us better. To make us real. To humble us. To convince us the charade does other women HARM.

We all do it. We all have at some point, do now, or will in the future. I think it's part of our struggle with self-image as women that makes us compare ourselves to every other girl on the face of the planet. But please, hear me out. We are not called to stand up and shout about our perfections. Sit down and search your heart. Are you more concerned with the image you're portraying or Who's Image you're bearing?  

To the women who don't think that they are "that girl" that's sold out for Christ, because they sin too much, make too many mistakes, or don't go to enough Bible studies, please. STAND UP! You are the women we need. You, who have been through the fires and flood and can stand on the other side in awe of the overwhelming love of Christ. You, who finally broke free of that addiction. Who finally left that hurtful relationship. Who finally stopped running from Christ and sprinted to the Cross to be made whole. Who has been broken and made whole more times than you can even count. We need you. We need your story. We need real women who will share what God has done in your life. Your story is one of redemption and you are beautiful because of the God you serve. You probably are "that girl", and you impact more people with your honesty than you'll ever know.

I love women that serve. I love that there are women who enjoy seasons of peace and joy in their lives--that is not my frustration. Please understand that I wish we, as women, would be more honest with each other. It's hard enough to be a woman in this world. It can be exhausting to try to keep up with our emotions and everything that's going on in our lives. We all know how hard it is to stand up for what we believe in. The last thing we need is to make it harder on each other with all the pretending, surface-only, acting-right-but-living-wrong, pretending-we-have-it-all-together "show".


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9