I thought a good deal about how to proceed with my blog. At this point in my fundraising, I am running behind schedule. This means I owe money that I don't have. I could easily write about my need for that money or how much "good" I will do in Africa. Truthfully, that's just not where my heart is right now. I don't want to "sell" myself or my trip for funding. I'd much rather share what God has put on my heart in hopes that someone might benefit from it, or even be encouraged by the ways God has been teaching me to seek His will. Maybe this isn't what you'd consider an economically beneficial choice, but should you choose to keep reading, I'd love nothing more than to share my heart with you. I pray that God would speak through me and He would be glorified through this process.
Nothing that we do has any impact. Let that sink in for a minute. Humbling, isn't it? We can easily get caught up in wanting to "do good" for the Lord. There is nothing wrong or bad about that desire, but I was definitely in need of a reality check. I am such a broken person. I fail, daily. Anything that I can do, all of my words of encouragement to others, are simply temporary. In 1st Corinthians, we are reminded, if I sell all I have and donate my money to the poor, but don't have love...I gain nothing. Even with faith that can move mountains, without love, I am nothing. Simply put, we have to come back to loving the Lord. It sounds so simple, but do I really seek the Lord daily? Do I really spend time in earnest prayer,waiting on the Lord to hear His voice in all I do?
It all comes down to realizing how truly broken we are. All we are is empty and temporary. But God has placed eternity in our hearts, and has bought us out of captivity with His blood. So, how do we make a difference? How can we truly make in impact in our calling? We love Him. We pray, continuously. We ask Him to reveal His heart to us. For me, that means His heart for justice. His heart for healing the broken. His heart for loving the lost and the outcast and the people who need His love the most. We have to love Him through our hardships, through our bad days, through our good days, through our days where we doubt our callings, and through our days when we doubt ourselves.
When we chase after Him with all that we have and seek Him in every waking moment; He changes our hearts. He gives us a love that pours out without any conscious effort. We start to look more like Him, our Creator. We start to see through His eyes and notice opportunities for ministry that we never thought possible. It is such a beautiful dichotomy; to be at peace and to find joy in realizing how insignificant we are, but how powerful and gracious our God is.
I pray that I would sit quietly at the feet of Jesus in silence, waiting on the Lord to move. To speak. To change me. To love others through me. I pray that I would rejoice in being called to be poor in spirit for what breaks His heart. I pray that my heart would look more like His, and that He would open my eyes to see the need for His love in this world. I pray that He will use me in Africa according to His plan, and not my own selfish desires. I pray that He will break strongholds and change hearts in people all over this world, and I pray for the boldness to ask for big things. To request of the Lord what He has put on my heart to pray for. I pray that I would be reminded at every turn, that there is power in HIS name and that He is a mighty God of healing and restoration.
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